Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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