don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
