i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
