you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize