you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
