i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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