I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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