Having a random hookup so left but love u
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
