just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
