you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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