college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
