In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
