Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
