I could have mohawked her pubes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
