come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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