its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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