please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize