Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
