I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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