I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
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