I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
