He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
