so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
