dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
