I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize
