So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
