Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
