You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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