Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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