it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
