ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
