You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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