Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize