the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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