You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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