I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
