I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
