I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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