I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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