Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
