i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
