i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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