I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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