She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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