i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
