am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize