Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
