I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
