Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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