just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize