I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
