the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
