i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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