did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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