if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
