ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
