glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
