my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
