sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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