i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
