I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
