Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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