I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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