How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
