i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
