I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
