Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
